Captain Ryan Wouldn't
by Flynne
Summary: Leonardo has come to a realization about who he is and who he wants to be. "What were you thinking pulling that Captain Ryan crap, anyway? This stunt almost got you killed today. Did it ever occur to you that Captain Ryan isn't real?" "I wasn't...Captain Ryan wouldn't." "Captain Ryan wouldn't what?" "He wouldn't have gone back."


_The scenes in this story take place anytime after "I, Monster" and before "Enemy of my Enemy". Trying something different with the flow of the plot – hopefully it's not confusing. Enjoy! _:)

* * *

Captain Ryan Wouldn't

"_Raph! Raph, where are you?"_

"_Here! I've got him!"_

"_Oh, man...he's bleeding! How bad is it?"_

"_I didn't exactly have time to check him, Donnie!"_

"_Hey, are __**you**__ okay?"_

"_Yeah, just...gimme a minute..."_

"_Dudes, it's the cops! We gotta go now!"_

"_I can carry him. Let's move."_

"_What about the guy he went back for?"_

"_..."_

"_Guys, seriously! Cops! And fire trucks!"_

"_We know, Mikey. You're sure you've got him, Raph? Your arms..."_

"_I'm sure. Let's get out of here."_

* * *

Leonardo opened his eyes and felt his heart slam into his chest when he saw the fiery red glare inches from his face. He let out a yelp and sat up with a jolt, but his sleep-blurred vision cleared and he realized that the sinister red light was coming from his alarm clock...not the rage-twisted features of his father.

As Leo pulled his blanket tightly around his shoulders, he realized he was shivering. It had been a week since the Rat King had attempted to enslave Splinter, and even though Leo knew his father was okay, his subconscious mind wasn't convinced.

"_Take Sensei __**down**__."_

His stomach twisted as he remembered the fight. It had been the first time that he had fought – _really _fought – Splinter. He hadn't been sparring. _Splinter_ hadn't been sparring, either. He'd been striking with lethal force. The knot in his stomach tightened painfully as he reflected – not for the first time – just how close he had come to being killed by his own father. And as for himself...well, what _had_ he been doing? He'd told his brothers not to hold back. So _he_ hadn't been holding back. And if he and his brothers had failed to break through the Rat King's mind control...if they hadn't been able to reach their father...

Leo's eyes burned and he buried his face in the blanket. He hadn't shed tears that night, too relieved and elated that Splinter was safe. But night after night of dark dreams about killing Splinter or his own death at the end of Splinter's blade had taken its toll. The darkness of his room seemed suddenly oppressive and he fumbled for his bedside lamp, blinking in the brightness. The shadows retreated but were no less sinister, rising up sharp and black in the corners of the room.

He couldn't stay there any longer. Leo jumped off his bed, still keeping the blanket wrapped around his shoulders and tucking his pillow under his arm. Before he knew it, he found himself standing in front of Donnie's door, hand poised just over the knob.

"_Captain, if something is bothering you, I am always listening,"_ Dr. Mindstrong had said.

"_No, Dr. Mindstrong, that won't be necessary. If a captain can't think things out for himself, what good is he?"_

Leo was the leader. He was fifteen, and he was too old to be bothering his brothers if he had a stupid nightmare. It was silly. Splinter was fine, and the Rat King was gone. Captain Ryan would march right back to his quarters and tough it out.

But Captain Ryan didn't spend hours thinking about the what-ifs or could-have-beens. He didn't need to second-guess himself or try to figure out how to prevent things from going wrong in the future. Captain Ryan hadn't had to fight his own father. And even if he had, Leo was pretty sure Captain Ryan never had nightmares.

Before he had a chance to change his mind, Leo turned the knob and very carefully opened the door. He tried to be quiet, but the hinges let out the faintest little squeak. Donatello stirred and lifted his head, scrubbing a hand across his face.

"Leo? S'time to get up?" he slurred.

"No," Leo answered quietly. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you up." This was a bad idea. He could feel his face getting hot, and tried to figure out how to extract himself from the situation.

Donnie noticed his hesitation and propped himself up on one elbow so he could turn on his bedside lamp. "Is something wrong?" he asked, squinting in the sudden glare.

_I dreamed that I killed Splinter. _The words stuck in his throat. He swallowed against the cold, quivery feeling in his stomach and tried to speak again. "The Rat King," he forced out.

"You too, huh?" Donnie's expression softened in understanding. "Come on in."

Leo's shoulders relaxed and the beginnings of a relieved smile touched his face. He closed the door behind him and crossed the room. Donnie shook out the quilt bunched at his feet, folded it in half, and draped it along the floor like a sleeping bag next to his bed. Leo curled up on top of the quilt and pulled his blanket over his shoulders as his brother turned off the light.

"Donnie," Leo said after a minute, "when you said 'you too'...do you mean that you've been having dreams?"

"Well...not dreams, really. But you know how it's hard for me to go to sleep sometimes because I can't quit thinking about things?"

"Yeah."

Donnie sighed. "I haven't gotten much sleep this week."

"I keep dreaming that I'm fighting Splinter," Leo confessed, words slipping out before he could stop them. "Sometimes I dream that he kills me. And sometimes..." He didn't finish his sentence, but Don didn't ask him to elaborate and Leo knew his brother understood.

"Have you talked to him about it?"

Leo didn't respond, but Donnie was adept at reading his brother's silences. He turned over in his bed, looking down at the shadowy outline of Leo on the floor. "He knows what happened, Leo," he said quietly. "He doesn't really remember everything, but he's not stupid."

"I know," Leo said in a small voice. Aside from a brief conversation when they'd returned to the lair confirming everyone was okay, the family hadn't discussed what had happened. An exhausted Splinter had gone to bed early with a blinding headache, but he had been back to normal by the time he awakened the following evening and the subject hadn't been brought up again.

Donnie's voice floated gently down out of the darkness once more. "I think you should talk to him. He can handle it, Leo. Splinter knows better than to blame himself."

"I know," Leo said again. "You're right. You always are."

"I'm going to tell Mikey and Raph you said that."

Leo huffed out a laugh. Don chuckled too and shifted closer to the edge of his mattress, letting his arm hang down until his hand rested on Leo's blanket-covered shoulder.

"Are you going to be able to sleep now?"

Leo smiled, feeling the last of his tension seeping away. "Yeah. Thanks, Donnie." He closed his eyes and drifted away, reassured by the warm weight of his brother's hand on his shoulder. He didn't dream again.

* * *

"_Okay, set him down. Raph, that cough doesn't sound good...are you sure you're okay?"_

"_Will you quit that? I __**told**__ you, I'm fine."_

"_Why isn't he awake yet?"_

"_I don't know, Mikey. I think he hit his head pretty hard, and what with the smoke inhalation..."_

"_I don't like it when you don't finish your sentences. He'll be okay, got it? __**He'll be okay.**__"_

"_...I know, Raph. Come on, we really should take care of those burns. Mikey, you'll stay with him? Call me if it looks like he's waking up."_

"_You got it, Bro."_

* * *

It was quiet. _Too_ quiet.

Well, not exactly. Leo could hear Donnie and April talking quietly while April did her geometry homework. They'd started a pattern where April would do her assignment while Don worked on the same questions independently, and then they'd compare proofs. Between the two of them, they had never yet encountered a problem they hadn't been able to solve.

Leo could hear Raph, too. His stocky brother was whaling on the practice dummy, which wasn't too unusual, but he was attacking with his eyes closed. His movements were slower than usual as he concentrated on his form (something Leo was secretly proud of him for) and on making each hit count, but the blows were no less intense.

What Leo _couldn't _hear was Mikey. He turned down the volume on the "Space Heroes" rerun he was watching and looked around. Mikey wasn't in sight, and his room was dark. Leo frowned at the TV for a moment or two as he considered the implications. Mikey was off amusing himself somewhere, which shouldn't have been a problem, but the eldest of the Turtles had learned over the years that "out of sight, out of mind" was never a good thing with Michelangelo.

He sighed a little, looking back at the television. This _was_ one of his favorite episodes, but he could quote it word for word. He turned off the TV and wandered away from the main living area, unnoticed by April and his brothers. The kitchen was empty and so was the bathroom. He wondered if Mikey had gone boarding in the sewer tunnels, but he could see he familiar bright splash of color from Mikey's skateboard propped against the wall. He walked past the door to Don's lab without going in, but paused a few paces away, frowning. Mikey almost never went in there...he hadn't exactly been banned, but Donnie didn't like his youngest brother poking around unsupervised and usually Mikey complied.

Usually.

Leo cautiously poked his head into the dimly lit chamber and saw a familiar silhouette over by the sink. A mixture of exasperation and amusement tumbled over him as he saw the growing pile of brightly colored, water-filled balloons on the floor. He slipped through the half-open door, staying in the shadows at the edge of the room as he made his way toward his brother. It was never easy sneaking up on any of his family members (and he almost never got the drop on Splinter), but he was willing to bet that Mikey was concentrating more on his task than the room around him.

Sure enough, Leo was able to move up behind him unobserved. He stopped about fifteen feet away. Even with his attention absorbed by water balloons, Mikey would notice him if he got any closer. Leo smirked, then lifted his hand to his mouth and let out a polite cough.

"Yee!" Mikey's startled yelp ended it a sputter as his hands jerked away from the tap and the nearly full balloon in his hands slipped, sending a jet of water at his face. He whipped around, using his foot to sweep the cluster of balloons on the floor out of sight in the alcove beneath the sink. "Uh! Leo! Fancy meeting you here..."

It took all of Leo's willpower not to smile. Even caught red-handed with water dripping off the end of his snout, Mikey's face was the picture of wide eyed innocence. Leo folded his arms across his chest and tilted his head to give his little brother a keen look. "What are you up to?"

Mikey smiled widely. "Nothing?"

"You weren't planning on using those inside the lair, were you?"

The grin on the orange-masked face became fixed. "No?"

Leo bent and picked up a red balloon, hefting the chilly oval in his hand. Judging by the number of balloons Mikey had already prepared, he was gearing up for a no-holds-barred assault. It wouldn't be the first time. Leo's mouth twisted wryly as he remembered the aftermath of the last ambush. They'd been finding bits of colored latex scattered around the lair for nearly a week. Splinter was pretty tolerant of his sons' antics as long as they didn't affect the dojo and as long as they cleaned up after themselves (although he was pretty strict about not skateboarding in the lair), but it had been a major undertaking to mop up all the water. And Leo could practically hear Captain Ryan's voice in his head: _"A spaceship is no place for frivolity!"_

...But Captain Ryan didn't live in a house full of brothers. And Captain Ryan _definitely_ didn't have a brother like Mikey.

"Looks like I found you just in time," he said. "I don't think you can carry all of these by yourself."

Mikey huffed out an aggravated sigh and rolled his eyes. "Aw, come on, Leo! It's been weeks since I've even _thought_ about a water balloon and...wait, what did you say?"

A sly grin slid across Leo's face. "Raph has been working out for over an hour," he drawled. "I think he could do with a little cool-down."

Mikey laughed in delight and he pounced forward, flinging his arms around Leo in an enthusiastic bear-hug. "Dude, you are _so awesome!_"

Leo's chuckled as he gave his little brother an affectionate noogie. "Better hurry." The two brothers bent and filled their arms with water-filled missiles. Leo led the way to the door, and Mikey pressed against his side as they peered out. They couldn't see Raph, but they could still hear him punishing the dummy. The quiet clink of dishes told Leo that Donnie and April had taken a snack break in the kitchen.

"Okay, Mikey," he said with a predatory smile, "I'll hit him high, you hit him low...then _run!_"

Mikey nodded, bouncing on his toes in anticipation. "Aye aye, sir!"

* * *

"_Donatello. Has he awakened?"_

"_Not yet, Sensei. He opened his eyes a couple times but I don't think he was quite tracking with me. He's getting there, though. I don't think it'll be too much longer."_

"_Do you think this was a targeted assault?"_

"_No. More like a 'right place, wrong time' sort of thing. They already had plans. We just got in the way. I've been looking up old newspaper articles about the Purple Dragons. They've been suspected of a handful of other arson incidents over the years, but no charges ever stick."_

"_I see."_

"_Tonight was...close, Sensei. Raph almost didn't get there in time."_

"_Do not dwell on it, my son. Just be grateful that he did."_

* * *

"I can't believe he still hasn't seen us," Mikey said in a low voice, peering over the edge of the roof.

"He's a thug, we're ninja," Raphael said smugly. "We're better at sneaking."

"It's not sneaking. It's stealth," Donnie corrected.

Leo kept his eyes fixed unwaveringly on the furtively moving figure they had tracked, but he smiled all the same at the exchange. "I think he's meeting someone," he said. His voice was quiet, but it was enough to halt the back-and-forth between his brothers immediately.

Don's brow furrowed. "More like a few someones." He gestured to the refuse-strewn alley, and Leo's hand drifted automatically to the hilt of his katana as he saw several tattooed figures emerge from the shadows. The gang members clustered briefly around the leather-jacketed man the Turtles had been tailing before the entire group disappeared through the sagging doorway.

"Looks like you were right, Raph," Leo said.

Raph gave the dilapidated, three-story building in front of him a narrow-eyed look. "Told you I saw the Purple Dragons lurking around here. I knew they moved their main stash house but they kept it hidden really well." A smirk crossed his face as he thumped his fist against his palm in anticipation. "Until now. They just made my night."

"The priority has to be finding any alien technology they might have," Donnie reminded him. "If we can't take it with us, we've got to try to destroy it."

"Fine, fine," Raph said, waving his brother aside. "Just as long as I get to punch people while I'm doing it."

Leo spent another moment or two sizing up the building and counting windows and doors before turning to his team. "Raph, you and I will enter on the top floor. Don, you and Mikey go in the ground floor from the back. We'll meet in the middle."

"All right!" Mikey crowed. "It'll be like a Purple Dragon sandwich!"

"A pain sandwich!" Raph said, bumping fists with his enthusiastic little brother.

"Okay, guys. Let's go. Take five minutes to get into position, then move in." Leo vaulted off the edge of the roof, landing in a crouch in the alley below. He didn't hear a sound, but he felt the displacement of air as Raphael landed beside him. The brothers paused for a few seconds to make sure the street was empty, then darted across the litter-strewn asphalt into the dark shadows of the alley.

Raph braced himself against the wall and interlaced his fingers to form a stirrup with his hands. Leo put his foot into his brother's hands and sprang into the air, aided by the extra push from Raph. He landed atop the decrepit, rusting dumpster and reached down to give his brother a hand up. The building's fire escape was an ancient, rusted metal stairway, but it made hardly a creak as first Leo, then Raph climbed up. Leo couldn't see Don or Mike, but his brother-sense knew the pair of them had begun to move.

Raph jimmied the window open and Leo followed him in. They stood there for a handful of heartbeats, barely breathing, the musty smell of long-abandoned rooms filling their nostrils. Leo moved to the doorway of the apartment and cautiously turned the knob, easing the door open just a crack. Raph was right behind him, and Leo could feel his brother's pulse thrumming with anticipation.

Leo heard the subtle intake of breath that told him Raph was about to ask him what he was waiting for, but the soft hum of voices had reached his ears and he held up a hand. Raph shut his mouth and waited.

"Come on, Switch." The voice was thin, with a telltale roughness that came from years of smoking. "Fong said I could crash here."

"He did," came the reply. "And you've been here, what...a month already?"

"Three weeks!"

"Well, you don't want to overstay your welcome, do you?"

"This is bullshit, man! It took weeks for us to find this place after those turtle things trashed our last stash house. Why do we gotta do this?"

"Orders. One of the ninja guys thought they saw one of the 'turtle things' sneaking around last week. We can't take the chance that this place is compromised."

Leo looked askance at Raphael. "I thought you said nobody saw you," he whispered with a smirk.

Raph scowled. "_They're_ ninja too, you know," he hissed, elbowing Leonardo in the side. "Not _all_ of them are total losers."

The first Purple Dragon spoke again. "But do we have to – "

"Look, do _you_ wanna argue with Bradford?" Switch snapped impatiently, deep voice rumbling like the growl of an irritated bear. "He says burn it, we burn it!"

"Yeah, I guess..." the first man said reluctantly.

"Besides, aren't things starting to get good again now that we're working with the Foot? The 14th Streeters have backed off our turf and our sellers on the south side are taking over for them. And Bradford did say the Dragons would get a cut of the insurance money for this place. We'll find you a new place to crash, no problem."

The frown on Raph's face deepened when he heard Bradford's name, and his hands crept nearer his sai. Leo was frowning, too, but the expression on his face was thoughtful rather than angry. "When he said 'burn it'," he said softly, "do you think he meant metaphorically or literally?"

Raph grimaced. "Geez, bro, you're starting to sound like Donnie." He froze then, eyes widening a little as he sniffed the air. "Is that..._gasoline?_"

"BOOYAKASHAAAAA!"

The sound of Mikey's exuberant battle cry rattled the cracked windows, and a fraction of a second later a deafening tumult of blows and yells echoed up the narrow stairwell.

"That was a fast five minutes!" Raph exclaimed, yanking out his sai.

Leo just growled under his breath, frustrated that he'd let himself lose track of time. He sprang into the hallway with Raph at his heels. A pair of stunned gang members gaped at them for just a moment before the larger of the two yanked out a huge Bowie knife and charged at Leo. The skinny guy with him let out a startled yell and hurled the red plastic jug in his hand at Raph before he turned and bolted away toward the stairs. Raph dodged the missile easily and darted after him, sidestepping the growing puddle spilling from the jug's spout onto the dusty floor. Leo had just enough time to draw his katana before the knife slashed down.

For the most part, The Purple Dragons were rough street brawlers, but this one knew what he was doing with a knife. Leo found himself caught in a furious back-and-forth with the taller man, fending off the Bowie knife with one katana while deflecting sharp stabs from a wicked-looking switchblade in the man's left hand with the other.

Switch lunged, sweeping his hand out in a wild slash. Leo twisted out of the way, feeling the cold displacement of air as the switchblade whizzed past millimeters from his throat. He'd evaded the blow, but it left his right side open, and he felt the solid impact as Switch's heavy boot crashed against his side. His shell absorbed the brunt of the blow but it still sent him spinning into the wall. He stumbled as he tripped over the square plastic jug that the first gang member had thrown. The acrid smell of gasoline made his eyes water as he threw himself forward, spinning and striking with his blades.

Switch was bigger, but Leo was faster and his katana were stronger, and for every backstep he took, he forced the gang member back three. He could hear his brothers fighting somewhere below, but he couldn't see them. He ducked under another savage slash at his face and rammed his shoulder against Switch's chest. The man's arms pinwheeled and he let out a furious bellow as he crashed through a rickety wall and landed sprawled on his back in a cluttered room.

"Leo!" Raph barked from somewhere down on the second floor.

"I'm okay!" he called back.

But the Purple Dragons heard the exchange, too. "Switch!"

Switch lurched to his feet, chest heaving, face contorted with rage. "Light it up and get out of here!" he roared.

There was the sound of a scramble and an alarmed yell from Donnie. A thrill of cold alarm chilled Leo to the core despite the sweat of exertion dripping down his face, and as Switch came for him again, the first tendrils of smoke came curling up the stairway. Leo raised his weapons to defend himself, but this time it was his turn to go tumbling head over heels as the ancient drywall behind him shattered under his flying weight.

He landed with stunning force, spinning on his shell as he twisted his body to get his limbs beneath him. His eyes stung with a combination of dust and smoke, and as he blinked to clear the haze from his vision he saw a savage smile flash across Switch's face. The gang member pulled out a lighter, flicked it on, and tossed it away.

The gasoline-soaked floorboards ignited with a _whoomph!_ and the flames quickly swept up the dry, crumbling walls.

"Raph! Guys, get out of here!" Leo yelled. He jumped through the hole his body had made in the wall and darted for the stairs, but Switch cut him off. Sparks flew as the Bowie knife and switchblade clashed against the twin katana, mingling with the flakes of glowing ash that had began to fall.

Leo's chest burned in the smoke-filled air and his sweat left streaks in the soot blackening his leaf-green skin. He cast a desperate glance behind him looking for another way out, but the path to the fire escape was already burning. "You'll get us both killed!" he said, lashing out with his foot to knock Switch out of the way. But the hall was narrow and Switch was big, and he was using his bulk and wild, unpredictable slashes to force Leo back toward the growing blaze.

"Nope! Just you!" Switch snarled.

Leo gritted his teeth, well-honed muscles bunching as he lifted his swords. He'd been trying to best his opponent, trying to get past him, but now with the roar and crackle of flame behind him and the smoke curling in his lungs, he couldn't hold back any longer. His eyes grew flat and cold as he prepared to attack with lethal force.

The sharp curves of a shuriken flashed through the air, glimmering red-orange in the glare of the fire. Switch bellowed in pain and rage as the weapon sank into his shoulder. Leo saw Raph at the top of the stairs, a sharp grin slanting across his face. Leo returned the grin. He crouched and sprang, ricocheting off the wall and dodging around Switch as the gang member reeled, off balance from the pain of metal buried in his flesh.

"Come on," Raph said, voice rougher than usual from the smoke. "Don and Mike are already outside!"

"Go!" Leo gave him a push, ducking low to stay beneath the smoke as they headed for the stairs.

A crash and a sharp cry from behind him made him turn, and his chest tightened in alarm as he saw Switch fall. The rotten floorboards had finally given way, and his left leg had plunged through the floor, buried past the knee. Switch's eyes were bulging with pain and fear as he tried and failed to free himself.

"Hey – hey, help!" His broad hands clawed at the dusty floor. When Leo hesitated, his panic intensified. "You can't just leave me here!"

Raph had already reached the landing below. His green eyes widened when he turned and saw his brother still at the top of the stairs "What the heck are you waiting for?"

"He's stuck!"

"Are you crazy?" Raph demanded. "He tried to kill you!"

"Just go!" Leo told him firmly. "I'll be right behind you!" Raph scowled, but obeyed. He turned and vanished into the smoke. Leo sheathed his swords and turned back to Switch. "Drop your weapons!" he ordered. Switch complied, tossing his switchblade and Bowie knife away. Leo hurried to kneel next to him, ducking underneath the man's outstretched arm. "This is going to hurt," he told him, "but you can't let go!" He braced himself and then started to stand, pulling slowly but steadily against the weight of the trapped gang member. Switch's arm hooked painfully tight around the back of his neck and both of them had begun to cough.

The fire had almost reached them. Leo gave one last, powerful tug. Switch howled, but his leg popped free. "Come on!" Leo said. He wrapped his arm around Switch's waist and hauled him toward the stairs. It was hard going. Leo could hardly see through the smoke, and even though Switch was using his leg more with every step, the gang member was leaning heavily on him, depending on the shorter Turtle to see through the choking black haze and lead him out. They stumbled down the stairs as the wood groaned beneath their combined weight.

They made it down to the first landing, but Leo's blood ran cold as he saw the harsh glow of the fire that had nearly completely overwhelmed the ground floor. "Okay, there's our way out. Get ready to move!" he said sharply.

Switch laughed, a cold, throaty rumble. He let go of Leo and shifted his weight as his hand flashed forward, holding a knife that he'd kept hidden away. Leo heard the _snick_ of the switchblade being released and saw the flash of firelight on metal. Only instinct and reflexes saved him. He ducked and twisted away from the blow – but not far enough. A growl of pain escaped his clenched teeth as the knife carved into his side.

He wrenched away from Switch and turned to run, but the lack of oxygen had made him dizzy. His foot caught on an uneven floorboard and he tumbled down the stairs. Sparks blasted across his vision as his head struck the floor, and the blazing world went dark.

Leo didn't hear the abruptly-choked-off scream and the crackling roar as the stairway collapsed. He didn't smell the burning flesh, and he didn't see the floorboards blackening and wallpaper curling as the fire crept closer.

He didn't see Raphael come hurtling through a wall of flame, and he didn't feel his brother's arms curl around him and carry him away.

* * *

"...really was a stupid idea," Raph was grumbling. "Guy's a Purple Dragon. They're only good for one thing."

"What...one thing?"

Raph yelped, starting violently when he heard the quiet, rasping voice, nearly tipping off his chair onto the floor.

Leo couldn't help it. A short laugh escaped him, but the faint smile on his face disappeared when the laugh turned into a cough, and the single cough turned into a coughing jag that made his chest spasm and burn. The air seared his scorched throat and tears clouded his stinging eyes. The first flutter of panic rose up within him as he struggled to breathe.

Broad hands slid under his arms and hauled him upright. Leo curled forward and nearly pitched onto his face, but Raph slapped a hand against his chest and caught him. The red-masked Turtle slid over until he was sitting on the mattress next to his brother, holding Leo up by bracing him against his side.

"Take it easy," he said gruffly. "Short breaths, Leo."

Leo clamped his mouth shut, grinding his teeth with the effort of trying to hold his breath. It felt like claws were raking against the inside of his chest and his throat burned, but after an agonizing few seconds, the urge to cough gradually began to fade. He took a slow, shallow breath through his nose and sagged against his brother in relief when the air flowed in and out of his lungs without triggering another coughing fit.

"You okay now?" Raph asked, leaning down a little to look into his face.

"I th-think so," Leo forced out. He blinked his streaming eyes, looking around his room in dazed confusion. "How...how did...?" The words caught in his parched throat. Raph turned slightly to pick up a glass of water on the nightstand. Leo curled his fingers around the cup as it was handed to him and drank eagerly. "How did we get home?" he asked, wincing at the gravelly sound of his voice.

"Donnie, Mikey, and I walked," Raph answered. "_You_, I carried." He shifted on the bed, backing away from his brother a bit and folding his arms across his chest. "Mind telling me what happened?"

As the smoky haze in his head cleared, Leo realized that Raphel's voice didn't sound much better than his own. It was then that he noticed the bandages on his brother's arms and right leg, and his confusion turned to alarm. "You're hurt!"

Raph shrugged. "It's not bad. Just some burns."

Leo wasn't about to be brushed off so easily. "What happened?"

"Uh-uh. You first. What happened when you went back for that guy?"

"Um..." His voice trailed off and his brow wrinkled a little as he tried to remember. "I...I pulled him out of the floor," he said slowly. "He needed help walking at first, and he couldn't see through the smoke like I could. I helped him to the stairs, but..." _Smoke and fire and a flash of pain..._ Leo gasped and looked down at his side. An ugly, scabbed furrow was carved in the tough skin between his plastron and carapace. It stung sharply as he moved, but wasn't deep enough to need stitches. He reached down toward the wound but Raph's fingers closed around his wrist and moved his hand back.

"He tried to stab me," he said dazedly.

"What? Why did he attack you?" Raph broke in. "You were helping him!"

Leo shook his head, wincing when the movement sent a stab of pain lancing across his temples. "He needed my help to get free, but after that...I think he was just biding his time until he saw the chance to take me out. He went for me, I dodged, but I fell and then...How did I get out?" His mouth fell open and he turned, wide-eyed, to stare at his sibling. "Raph."

Raphael averted his gaze and shrugged, crossing his arms again. "_Someone_ had to save your sorry butt," he mumbled. Leo didn't say anything. He just let himself list over a little until his shoulder rested against his brother's.

Raph still didn't look at him, but he shifted his weight just slightly to lean into the contact. "What were you thinking pulling that Captain Ryan crap anyway?" he asked with a frown. "You nearly got yourself turned into turtle flambe."

Leo blinked at him. "Pulling the _what_, now?"

"You heard me." Raph wasn't avoiding his gaze now. He pulled away and turned so his green glare pinned Leonardo with the force of a gimlet, broad face twisted in a scowl. "You're always doing stuff like this. It's bad enough when you're taking hits for us or staying back to fight so we can get away, but I get why you do it – but now you're going back to help the guys we're fighting. You wanna let Fong go instead of beating him to a pulp, fine, but this stunt almost got you killed today. Did it ever occur to you that Captain Ryan isn't _real_?"

Leo just stared at him, mouth hanging open while he groped for an answer inside his aching head. Someone who didn't know Raphael might be angry at the harsh words, but if there was one thing Leo was good at, it was knowing his brothers. Raph wasn't trying to hurt him. He had been genuinely scared, and when Raph was scared, he was all sharp edges. Well, unless there was a cockroach involved...but that was something completely different.

"I wasn't..." Leo swallowed his protest and looked down at his folded hands. "Captain Ryan wouldn't."

The reply threw Raph and it took him a few seconds to answer. "Captain Ryan wouldn't what?"

"He wouldn't have gone back," Leo said quietly. "I wasn't thinking about what he would have done tonight. I just...Raph, I couldn't just leave him to die."

Raph's combative posture relaxed, and he sighed deeply. "Yeah, I know," he said resignedly. His eyes cut over to Leo, watching him for a moment while he decided how much he should say. "...He took care of that himself."

Leo bowed his head, sighing as deeply as his scorched lungs would let him. He'd wondered what had happened to Switch. Even though he'd been prepared to take the gang member out in order to survive, he hadn't _wanted_ to do it. And to find out that Switch had died anyway, in spite of Leo's efforts to save him...

"You know...I don't _really_ want to be Captain Ryan."

Raph snorted.

Leo rolled his eyes a little. "Okay, I like how he always has a plan and I like how everyone looks up to him, but I don't always agree with what he does." He looked down at his hands, rolling and unrolling the edge of his sheet. "You remember that episode where the away team is attacked on the planet surface and Dr. Mindstrong's love interest is killed?" When Raph didn't answer right away, Leo looked over. Despite the despondency that he could feel hovering over his shoulders, a little smile made its way onto his face. He could see the battle raging in his brother's eyes. He knew that Raph knew _exactly_ which episode he was talking about, but Raph didn't want to admit it.

Leo's smile turned a little sly and he couldn't resist twisting the knife a little. "You _do_ remember it, right?"

Raph's eyes narrowed. "Yes," he said, sounding as if the word had to be pulled from his lips with a winch. When the smirk on Leo's face grew a little, he jabbed his brother with his elbow, pulling the blow at the last second so the impact was on Leo's arm and not his injured side. "Will you knock it off and get to the point, already?"

Leo snickered, but sobered quickly. "Captain Ryan decided not to interfere when they were in trouble. He decided to let them fend for themselves so they'd learn what to do when there wasn't any help coming. His whole team died. I've seen that episode a million times, but this time was the first time I'd seen it since this whole mess with the Foot and the Kraang and Purple Dragons started. And I thought...it had never sunk in that he'd just abandoned his crew. He made a tactical decision, lost his entire team, and it didn't even faze him. His situation is different because he's in outer space, but see, the thing is..." Leo swallowed hard against the tightness in his throat. "...every week, his crew is back. They're replaceable. And you guys, and April and Sensei..." He looked earnestly at his brother. "I wasn't thinking about what Captain Ryan would do tonight. I haven't done that in a while. Because if I do what he did – if I'm not there for you – I could lose you. And I can't do that."

"You realize we're not exactly helpless, right? I mean, we _are _ninja."

Leo ignored the half-sarcastic interruption. "So when I went back for Switch tonight, I wasn't thinking about what Captain Ryan would do. I was thinking: what if one of my brothers were trapped in a burning building? What would I want one of the Purple Dragons to do? So I tried to save him, because maybe if I save one of them, they'll save one of you if I can't."

Raph's face was stern, but his tone was gentle. "You know they're not gonna do that, Leo."

Leo's jaw tensed. "Fong did, once."

"He's not gonna do it again."

"...I know," Leo said at last, very softly.

The brothers sat in silence for several minutes. Raph took a couple deep breaths that hitched a little as he exhaled, as if he were on the verge of speaking, but he remained mute. He finally broke the quiet, nudging his brother again. "Hey. Scoot over."

"Huh?" Leo blinked dazedly at the unexpected remark.

"You heard me. Scoot over. I'm tired, it's late, and you're taking up way too much room." Raph kept pushing at him, jostling him over without aggravating his injuries.

"Raph, what...?"

"Just move, all right?" Raphael gave him a final shove. "And don't do that starfish thing you always do," he added. "I don't care that you fell down a flight of stairs – if you push me off and I end up on the floor, I _will _punch you." He reached over to the lamp on Leo's bedside table and switched it off, plunging the room into darkness.

Leo felt the corners of his mouth begin to curve up. "Better a starfish than Mikey the clingy octopus."

"True."

Leo shifted, rolling onto his uninjured side to face the wall, giving Raph room to stretch out next to him, back-to-back. Silence descended over the room again. Despite the discomfort from his injuries, Leo felt himself rapidly sinking back toward sleep, lulled by the solid support of his brother's shell resting against his own carapace. He had just closed his eyes when he heard Raph speak again.

"You know, Leo," he said in a low voice, "I wouldn't look up to someone like Captain Ryan. And I wouldn't follow him."

He didn't say anything more, but Leo felt a burst of warmth deep in his chest, and he couldn't hold back a smile. Because he heard what Raph left unsaid.

"_But __**you**__, I will__."_


End file.
